The Aftermath

What a creative title.

Anyway, I guess I'm feeling some sort of "hangover" from my midterm yesterday. It actually wasn't too bad. I think I did well enough to pass. That's all I'm aiming for, really. I'm not really into describing every minute detail of the past two days because I haven't had my coffee yet (and yes, I know it's almost 1PM). 

The preparation for this midterm was certainly half-hearted. I procrastinated from Thursday up until Monday night. Tuesday, I was planning to go to the library, but found that I had no money or bus tickets to get home. So I decided to stay home. I put my laptop in my basement to avoid distraction. It proved useful... kind of. I studied for about 7 hours.. well, the time in between I would doodle. At about 11PM, I retrieved my laptop and obsessed over SHINee with my friend until 2AM.  I planned to cram my notes before class.

After my test I couldn't speak coherent sentences for at least an hour. I couldn't even type properly when I was on the computer. I'm so brain dead. I woke up this morning practically exhausted. I have no idea. I had literally a 5 hour nap and I slept for more than 9 hours. Did I over sleep? Maybe my body's getting used to not sleeping? I have no idea. 

Hm... just a thought. Do you ever feel like you're only somewhere because it's convenient for the next person? Like, if you were to hang out with someone, it's not because they actually want you there, but because they just need someone to hang out with? So essentially, do you sometimes feel used and can't really do anything about it? I hate that feeling. You're frustrated, and you feel like such an idiot for letting it happen. That person assumes that you'll always bend over backwards to whatever they decide. The decision is usually already made and you're hanging there weary and confused. You wonder why you didn't refuse and you realize that your kindness is taken advantage of.  Yet there's nothing you can do about it sometimes because you've already accepted. Now you're there like a sitting duck getting ready to be shot. Great. 

Wow. I'm bitter without my coffee. I guess I should get some... or else I'll be biting some heads off. 

The End. 

Hey, shouldn't you be studying?

Yes, yes I should. 

I have a midterm on Wednesaday and I have yet to fully study and understand my readings. Again I am experiencing that eery calmness that I often get in high-stress situations. I had Thursday, Friday and all weekend to prepare and in total I've only read 2 pages of one reading. I have made slow progress. Instead of doing what I was supposed to do, I started watching asian music videos and anime. I am currently watching Kuroshitsuji and Soul Eater. I really should get up to date on D. Gray-man. I am cosplaying a character from that show, after all. 

Let me talk about which asian music videos I was watching. In particular I was watching Arashi and SHINee. Which I have become more obsessed with as the weekend passed. Arashi had recently released a new single which one of my friends showed me the night the strike was announced. It's called Beautiful Days, if you want to check it out. I am now obsessed with that song. Since then I have tried to download almost every album and single Arashi has released... I had to make some space on my computer. 

So another obsession I've been having is SHINee. It's a fairly new Korean group that debuted in May. The members range from ages 15-18. So, not to sound like a pedophile, but Taemin (the 15-year-old) is so cute. I'd have to say my favorites are Key, Taemin and Jonghyun. This may be confusing if you don't know the members' names, so I have provided a visual so you can swoon over them as well:

Aren't they beautiful? I'm still surprised I haven't gotten a nosebleed yet. 

But yeah, my friend and I are SUPER obsessed with them right now. Well, we were obsessed with them when they first came out. In yearbook class, we would go on youtube and watch their videos. I guess it's a fluctuating obsession? But wow. I love beautiful asian boys. I think this was further amplified when I went to Japan in the summer. So many of them. I'm still recovering... well, not really recovering but, I just can't seem to like someone who isn't asian. Oh man...

So speaking of liking people... I think I've given up on Jimmy. I recall in a conversation with my friend that I said, "pfft, Jimmy. SHINee > Jimmy". Haha.  I'm starting to think this was another one of those crushes where people tell you things and you start to believe them. Okay, it definitely was one of those crushes. I really shouldn't force things... Other things have brought me to the conclusion that not getting a boyfriend would be best for now. I've been extremely busy with school work and well, other things. I've also realized, based on recent events, that my friends are one of the most important things in the world to me and I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with them in any way. Some people I know have revolved their lives around their boyfriends and have neglected their friends a great deal. I mean, it's good you're in love and everything, but don't lose sight of things that matter. For all you know, this person could break up with you any given day and then what? You'll end up with nothing. I know this isn't the case with every relationship, I'm just speaking of what is currently going on with people I know.... and that's what I'm afraid of. 

So I'm certain I've gained weight. I've decided today that I really need to do some exercise and go on some sort of diet or something. Well, I've been planning to lose some weight for my cosplay since the character is basically a STICK. I'm planning to set aside some time in my schedule to exercise so then I won't hate myself because right now, I do. SHAWN. T! I NEED YOU!

Okay, time to ACTUALLY STUDY. I was supposed to go to the library today... and I woke up late, again. I woke up 2 today. Oh joy. I'm planning to get as much as possible done today and then it's off to library tomorrow at 10AM. I need a nice, quiet place where I'm forced to read and learn. 

Okay, time to do some work!... Maybe after a few SHINee videos. Wow, I'm such a failure. 

The End.